The Flame Catcher: 1st edition crapfic
by Black.Misfit
Summary: When you look at this story, please read the Author's crap completly and understand every word. Anyway, these are two different stories under one anime. Couples include RoyXRiza, EdwardXWinry, and a Mary Sue with Kain.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Crap****:**** THIS IS FLAMING MATERIAL!! I DID NOT WRITE THIS!! I can't stress this statement enough. My friend (who shall remain nameless) found these fanfics from 6****th**** grade. She HATES them more than I do. If you like them, we won't judge you, but you have our permission to flame the hell out of these stories. I'm not taking credit for these stories. I just wanted to know the flaming reactions from the website usere. I know there are several errors, but this is straight word for word. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY!!**

This begins with Colonel Roy Mustang sitting at home in his apartment is solitude and complete darkness. Ever since the death of his best friend Lieutenanat Colonel Maes Huges, now Brigadeir General, he has been coming home to his aparment in silence.

"Why?" Roy asked no one. "Why him?... he was supposed to always be there for me..."

The distressed Colonel had started to tear up before screaming in agony. He eventually cried himself to sleep. The morning he awoke to a raining sky. He got in the shower and thought about how lonely he would be without Maes coming in showing him pictures of Elysia. He smiled at this and then teared up at the thought of him being gone never coming back. He then stepped out of the shower and brushed his teeth. He then went to his closet grabbing his uniform putting it on. He went outside and found Armstrong waiting towards the car with his umbrella and climbed in. The entire car ride was silent. They pulled up to headquarters.

"Thank you Armstrong." said Roy. "Think nothing of it." Armstrong replied.

The three of them entered headquarters going to thier offices. Hawkeye glanced from the window to Roy who sat with a sad expression.

"Poor guy..." Riza thought "He's known Huges all his life..."

Mustang looked up to glance at the picture of him and Huges eating ice cream Roy had dropped his and Huges was laughing his head off. Through thick and thin Maes had always been there for him. He then remembered how Edward reacted when he found out.

~Flashback~

"You have got to be joking!" Ed exclaimed.

"Armstrong don't joke with me!!!" "I am not joking Edward Lieutenant Colonel Maes Huges id dead." Armstrong said. "No...no...damnit no..." Edward said crying.

~End Flashback~

"Maes..." Roy said quietly while tearing up. Riza looked at Roy and got up putting a hand on his shoulder.

"It will be alright sir." Riza said. "..."

"I must look like a big ababy to him right now." Roy said. "But you're a best friend and big babay Roy." said Riza.

She pulled a chair closer to him and buried his head telling him not to cry. She then wrapped her arms around Roy as he cries deeper in her arms. "It's okay sir..." she said.

She handed him a piece of tissue. He wiped his tears in it. He looked at her and he flung his arms around her neck and hugged her she did the same.

"Thank you. You really helped..." said Roy.

"Just doing my job" implied Riza.

Then there is a knock on the door.

"Sir you have more paperwork." Kain said.

"Ha ha I'm glad I get to fix stuff instead of doing paperwork." Roy said. "oh no I'm just fine there's a uh...broken...uh radio that needs to be fixed." Said Kain. "That can wait." said Roy.

"So the three of them worked on paperwork. Kain Furey looked up and stood.

"Sir I'm going to the bathroom." said Kain.

"Oh yeah" said Roy "you'd better be back or you're charcoal." "yes sir. I will be..." replied Kain.

He ran out the door shaking with fear of becoming the charcoal on Roy's grill. But then when he got to the bathroom he began to wonder.

"Is there a certain relationship that I don't know about?" He questioned. "Ah, well I'll surely find out later."

He walked over to the sink and washed his hands. Then he took the elevator to the 3rd floor where Roy's office was located. He had heard muffled sounds coming from the office. He opened the door and saw Roy and Riza making out.

"What?!..." he said as he blushed in a really deep burgundy.

"Damn..." said Roy. "A moment wasted."

"Sir...I'm uh...r-really s-sorry...I-I shoud have knocked." Kain stammered.

"You're right about that." said Riza.

"You just sit there," "And what am I suppose to do?" Kain said. "Uh you can work on paperwork just don't let anybody know we're here, just don't let anybody know we're here, just tell them we're in the Mess Hall." Riza commanded. "O-Okay." Kain stammered nervously.

He sat down and looked at the mountains of paperwork. He then sighed and fell to his knees. Roy and Riza were in the bedroom for guests or overnight stay.

"Um...sir?" Riza said. "Yes lieutenant?" Roy said. "He won't tell will he?"Riza asked. "I have a strong feeling he won't." Roy said pulling her into embrace.

She felt warmness spread throughout her body. She started to blush when he kissed her ear then he trailed kisses to her neck. She moaned at this.

"Um sir?" Riza asked. "You don't have to call me sir anymore Riza." Roy told her. "Well then Roy?" Riza said. "Yes Riza?" Roy asked. "If we get caught we'll be removed from our ranks." Roy didn't respond. He instead flipped her on top of him. Riza looked at him and turned deep crimson He smiled and pressed his lips firmly onto hers he then found a way to open her mouth and get entrance inside her.

"Roy..." she moaned deep in his mouth. She felt him trying to pull the military kacket off her.

"Roy? Are you sure you want to go that far?" Riza asked. "Yes Riza. I know I'll never be able to go back and change it." Roy answered with a forceful kiss.

She unbuttoned the military jacket she was wearing and threw it on the floor. Roy did the same with his.

"He has an awesome body." thought Riza.

She also unbuttoned his dress shirt and took it off him. He was wearing a white beater under it. She put her arms to his chest in amazement of his body. She ran her fingers down his chest.

"Riza that feels good." moaning Roy. Kain was on the couch asleep when he heard a knock.

"Who is it?" Kain said. " Is me Havoc." Havoc pushed the door open. Kain along with it.

"Kain, where are you?" Havoc questioned.

"Down here." replied Kain smashed in the door. "Sorry about that." said Havoc.

"Damn that hurts!" Kain said while rubbing the back of his head. "Wow I've never heard you swear." Havoc started. "When I'm in pain." growled Kain. "Well anyway why are you here?" "Beacuse I wanted to ask Roy something." replied Havoc. "Um...The colonel is busy right now...very busy..." blushed Kain. "Oh really now?" Havoc blushed furiously. "Fine then I'll post this picture of you with Black Hantage picking flowers." Havoc said. "Please no anything but that." Kain said. "Then talk." Havoc demanded. "Alright he's in there making love to Hawkeye..." Kain blushed. "Wha--?!"screamed Havoc. "Havoc ssh!" Kain said in low tone. "Oh yeah sorry!" said Havoc. They stood outside the door listening in on the couple.

"Oh my...they sure are totally professionals at this." said Havoc. "Tell me about it...I mean I haven't pleased my girlfriend that much. Oh God did I just say that out loud...?" Kain said and then buried his face in his hands. "So you've got a girl huh Furey?" Teased Havoc. "Un...yes..." replied Kain. "If you tell I'll uh..." "Yo'll wat...?" said Havoc mockingly. "Uh I haven't figured that out just yet." replid Kain. "So you've been past second base and you're headed for third." coaxed Havoc. "I just don't understand how to make her come to third. I mean I freeze up when she starts to you know "come to me." said Kain. "You have to keep up with her. I mean you are still at second and she's at third. You should just go for it." replied Havoc. "Hmm...but how do I pleasure her? I mean it's supposed to come naturally for a guy right?" Asked Kain sheepisly. "Just experiment different thing find out what makes her scream just basically feel on her and if she likes it keep doing it." said Havoc smiling.

Roy got Riza good in that she was lying by his side gasping and panting.

"That...that...was...amazing..." She panted.

"Well what did you expect? Roy boasted.

"Oh shut up and kiss me again." Riza demanded.

He was more than haooy to comply. "See you want to make her like that." said Havoc listening in. "Oh, I'll try that." replied Kain. "Um...Havoc? Can you take over here as in doing paperwork cause I'm going to my girlfriends house?" Kain blushed. "Sure." replied Havoc. Roy and Riza came out of the room to find Havoc sitting in the couch doing paperwork.

"Oh hello 2nd lieutenant Havoc." SAID rIZA.

"Hello 1st lieutenant Hazkeye." said Havoc.

'Where's Furey at?" asked Roy. "He had to go and um...take care of somethings." lied Havoc. :Oh yeah and I already know about you two." said Havoc.

At the girlfriend's house.

"Oh Kain...don't...stop..." Rebecca maoned.

"Okay then." replied Kain.

He gently suckled her breast and he then pulled her in for a deep kiss he deepened the kiss by pulling his tongue in her mouth the two tongues danced. Then they broke the kiss. Kain's hand had eventually found away to her thighs which made her gasp. When he touched her there. He started to caress her inner thigh making her jump against him. She couldn't take being tortured anymore and decided to take her hand and grab his member.

"Rebecca..." he moaned giving all control to her.

Her hand moved upa dn down his member. "Please...don't...stop that...it...feels...so good..." He moaned. "Oh god..." He said as he felt himself getting near.

"Rebecca we must do this now." Kain said. He rose a top her and positioned himself at the top of her.

"Are you ready?" Kain said. "More than ever." replied Rebecca.

He slowly inched his way into Rebecca. She fought back screams of pain. He had stopped what he was doing seeing her in pain. So she ndded for him to continue. He then kissed her and thrust in really fast never breaking the kiss. He started rocking his hips with her own. Then he pulled himself in and out of her at a slow pace since she was new at this like himself.

"Faster...Kain...Faster..." Rebecca moaned.

"And here I didn't know what the heck I was doing, but she likes it..." Kain thought. His thrusts got faster and deeper and she was panting sweating and all of that. He felt himself get ready to come as did Rebecca.

"Rebecca!" He screamed simultaiously as Rebecca. "Kain!" She screamed.

Then they both came and collapsed next to each other.

'Oh...Kain...that was...amazing..." moaned Rebecca.

Kain didn't reply but he answered her with a kiss which she responded to. They spent the whole night like that.

"Fuery why are you late?" asked Roy.

"I was uh...doing something." Kain said.

"Doing what?" asked Roy. :Oh alright I'll tell you! I was over my girlfriends house and we were you know..." Kain blushed. "Oh I see..." coaxed Roy. Then the door opened and Havoc came in.

"So Kain hiw'd it go?" asked Havoc. "Pretty well I guess you could say." replied Kain. "Well I'm glad you had a nice night with your girlfriend but we'ev got work to do." Roy said. A whole load of papers were handed to Kain, Havoc, and Hawkeye.

'Hey where the hell is yous?!" Kain questioned. "Yeah!" said Havoc and Hawkeye. "It's right here" he said pointing to the small pile of papers he had. They each took half their papers and put it on his pile.

"That's you paperwork" Havoc said. Then they all sat down and did their paper work.

The End

**More Author's Crap: Again, I remind you that I had nothing to do with these fanfics, which I'm now calling it a crapfic. If you like it, good for you, but if you don't, FLAME IT TO DEATH! Since it's four stories and two are the same anime, I'll post the first two now and the other two under a crossover. I'll upload the other story under this as a chapter and the other two as the same title so hold onto your anime. It's gonna get A LOT rougher.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Crap:**** THIS IS FLAMING MATERIAL!! I DID NOT WRITE THIS!! Sorry just making this clear. So, if you're still reading this, you'll know what has happened in the first chapter. This next chapter is a completly different short story on Edward and Winry. **

"Edward! How could you wreck that beautifully crafted automail!" screamed Winry. She started to pull out her wrench.

"No please not the wrench! I'm sorry Winry." Edward apologized.

She put the wrench back in her belt. "Well you go outside while I get started on making a new one." Winry said. _"I swear, he can't keep his autmail safe for more than 5 seasons."_ thought Winry.

Alphonse and Edward are talking.

"So, Ed do you, you know like, like Winry?" Alphonse asked. "What?!" screamed Edward. "Do you?" Al coaxed. "Where do you get your nerve to ask me these questions?!" Edward screamed. "Oh come on and answer the question." Al said. "Fine, I-I do..." stammered Edward. "Go tell her." Al said.

Edward's face went totally white. "W-Why?!" Edward screamed. "Beacuse you need to tell her how you feel before its too late." Al told him. "But what if she doesn't feel the same." Edward asked. "You'll deal with it." Al said. "Edward!!!" Winry screamed. He went inside of the house.

"Yes Winry?" Edward said. "I need to do your arm measurment again." she said.

There was a long silence then Winry broke the silence.

"Hey Edward why can't you keep your arm on for an entire day without me having to fix it?" Winry asked. "I'm sorry Winry." Ed told her. "'I'm sorry'" isn't going to fix that automail." Winry stated. "But Winry I really am sorry." Ed said. "Edward you're an idiot." Winry said. "All done." The Edward grabbed Winry's shoulders and kissed her.

"Edward where did that come from?" blushed Winry. "I don't know." Edward replied. "Do it again." Winry said. He gave her a chaste kiss then deepened it in which she responded to. Then they broke it.

"It's going to rain tomorrow." Edward told her. "Then let's sleep on the couch." Winry suggested.

He picked her up and put her on the couch and laid down beside her then Winry crawled on top of him. He massaged the small of her back. Then he lulled them to sleep. Then Alphonse came in quietly and put a blanket over them both. Then ran out and chuckled to himself.

"I never thought I'd see the day." He said.

Ed awoke to find a blanket and then chuckled and went back to sleep.

**Author's Crap: Ok that was short and sweet. I'll upload the next story under this same name except it's going to be a crossover since I don't want too much crap everywhere. And it's short stories too so it's no big deal coming up with titles for everything. Whether you enjoyed this story or not, I'm shocked you're reading it. I promise to upload a really good story with all the smut you want.**


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